For just a second, if you stop thinking about yourself when you’re reading everyone’s pointless indirects, you might realize that people have their own issues.
But if you go to my page, you’ll have the pleasure of knowing that every single tweet is about you.
It’s always about you. It has always been about you and it always will be about you.
I just can’t stop thinking about you, ever. Which is why I have come up with ten more reasons why you and I should be a thing and that gross swamp creature should jump out of your mind/ the general picture.
1) I can sing a little so I’ll sing you lullabies when you wanna nap.
2) My house is always warm because we have a kitschy little pellet stove. We can sit at the table by the stove and I can kick your butt in Scrabble. It could be cute.
3) I will buy you sweaters.
4) We can take cute couple pictures when we do cute couple things.
5) You can thoroughly enjoy the disgusting baby pictures my mother decides to share with you. You can also thoroughly enjoy the even MORE disgusting tween pictures she decides to show you.
6) I’m still on that chapstick kick.
7) I’m pretty flexible in terms of holding hands. If you wanna waffle we can definitely do that but if you aren’t into that we can hold pinkies or we can just go palm to palm or we don’t even have to hold hands at all.
8) I kind of cry a lot, which seems like a downside, but it’s kind of a plus because you can see me be ugly and if you still stick around after that, I know you’re a real keeper.
9) French toast is one of the best inventions ever, and I make the best french toast.
10) I take my relationships pretty seriously, so you can guarantee that I’ll be in it for the long haul. I don’t give up easy, and even though I’ve taken many hits in my life, I’m stronger because of it. Yeah, you’re really fucking annoying sometimes and yeah, sometimes you break my heart but HEY, that’s what love is. Putting up with each others’ bullshit. So if you deal with mine, I’ll deal with yours (very happily) and we can see how it goes from there.
I’ve been told before that I’m extremely cocky, but listen and then tell me if I’m wrong to be so. All throughout my life, things have come so easy to me. I got straight A’s most of my school years without doing any major work; I can memorize things easily, I succeeded in learning three instruments (and promptly quitting after a year or two because fuck being productive.) I’m one of the best bakers I know, I have an extremely witty sense of humor, and making friends has never been a real challenge for me.
This year has presented a challenge all in itself. I’m depressed all the time, my main hobby has become sleeping, my grades are slipping, and my love life is in a steep decline. It’s especially disgusting for me to be writing this way because, while this is easily the most miserable time I’ve had in a while, it’s also the best time. I am so lucky as to have a blossoming social life, and friends who I adore more than life itself. But sometimes I just have t say hey, fuck all of that, I’m hopelessly lost on this one person, and it’s going absolutely nowhere, very fast.
I would absolutely kill to be with this person. It’s literally repulsive how much of a challenge this is. I obsess over it, day after day; I spend nights mulling over cups of espresso roast, thinking of all of the reasons why I love him and, moreover, why we should be together. It’s terrifying. He has me in a way that nobody else has ever had me before, and nobody else ever will. Additionally, I have so much to lose. I’m trapped. I could lay everything on the line, explain my curious thoughts and overwhelming ideas about the two of us and there could be two outcomes. One, he gives me the finger and promptly exits my life; or two: everything works out and several hours, days, months, weeks, years later he grows tired of me and makes the grand exit then, as my father, many friends, and a few ex-boyfriends have before him.
The struggle is abounding. It keeps me on my toes. Everything he does either lifts me up or crushes me a thousand times more than the actions anyone else. Even though you might as well call me Quasimodo because of my horrifyingly gross looks and far-from-model-like physique, there have been others who have wanted me. But none of them could ever have me. Ever. There is something about this one guy that is like sticking a needle in my vein. Everyone can see it: Whenever I’m with him, I’m golden. But as soon as that needle is removed I crash like I’ve jumped from the top of the Empire State Building. It’s awful. It’s awful how I’m wrapped around his pinkie and it’s awful how much I love living there.
On the off chance that he is reading this, I have come up with an abbreviated list of reasons why I should be yours and you, mine.
1) Most days I smell like heaven. (You always smell like Christmas.) We would smell nice as a couple.
2) I’m really excellent at making pancakes and muffins and anything you want for breakfast.
3) I’m really cuddly, which may or may not please you.
4) We could stay out all night and count stars, we could freeze our asses off ice skating, we could do anything and I wouldn’t ever be sullen; I would just be so happy to be with you.
5) I’m pretty stupid so 99% of the things you say, I will find amazing.
6) We could make really hipster, really great playlists.
7) I like movies.
8) I use chapstick a lot so I have soft lips. I am also a good kisser. (Or so my pillow tells me.)
9) If you ever get annoyed with me, you can say it. You can be 12000% honest with me. I’m a good listener. Also can be funny sometimes.
10) You don’t have to put any effort into pursuing me. I’m already all yours, all you have to do is ask and I will fall at your feet and agree to anything and everything you want.
It may not seem like a lot, because you and I both know that I’m the lamest person alive, and even more lame for writing this, but if it opens your eyes to anything, if you see me in different light because of it, my job will be fulfilled.